(1980 memoirs)
One February our teacher was talking about Lincoln and Washington and getting the first grade to color and cut out hatchets. When I looked over at Lillian, she was laughing silently, holding herself in, wiping her eyes, shaking all over. This went on for some time, and of course I was beside myself with curiosity. At length she whispered, "Listen. She's saying it again!" and stuffing her handkerchief over her mouth, she got red in the face and shook all over. Finally she passed me a note that said: "Listen when she says hot shit." Well, I did hear it, and even when it was pointed out to me, I couldn't laugh much. I just couldn't. Not funny.
Showing posts with label toilet humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toilet humor. Show all posts
March 9, 2013
January 10, 2013
Back side yard
(1980 memoirs)
In the wall behind [the couch] was a window that looked out upon the side yard onto a clothes reel, round, with wooden side walk leading to the privy (no longer used) and woodshed.
In the wall behind [the couch] was a window that looked out upon the side yard onto a clothes reel, round, with wooden side walk leading to the privy (no longer used) and woodshed.
December 13, 2012
Bedroom washstand
(1980 memoirs)
In the bedrooms [in Frankie's house] they had wash bowl and pitcher on a wash stand, fresh towels hanging on its side racks, soap in the proper soap dish. The toilet I think was down the short, clean basement stairs. And a pot under the bed - a chamber pot.
In the bedrooms [in Frankie's house] they had wash bowl and pitcher on a wash stand, fresh towels hanging on its side racks, soap in the proper soap dish. The toilet I think was down the short, clean basement stairs. And a pot under the bed - a chamber pot.
May 17, 2012
Placement
(1994 early January)
I am trying to find a place for Toys for Tots calendar (Bears on cover). At least I have the hammer handy! ... I found a place for the Bears calendar; it is in the bathroom suspended from a hook meant for robes. You can sit and look at it for hours.
I am trying to find a place for Toys for Tots calendar (Bears on cover). At least I have the hammer handy! ... I found a place for the Bears calendar; it is in the bathroom suspended from a hook meant for robes. You can sit and look at it for hours.
February 1, 2012
Grace
(1993, first Sunday in January)
The first thing to get in your head at a place like this [Schmitt Home] is that you are not the boss. Breakfast is at 7:30, and if you are not there, why aren't you? A nurse may be called in. Are you ill? So today I had a big breakfast and came back and got in bed. Not long before a rustle. Me: "Hello!" - "It's Grace, Polly. I will make the bed. Don't worry. Well, there are so many of them that wet the bed and try to cover it up - I was just checking." - "Goodbye, Grace." She goes on to say, "Have a good day if you can."
The first thing to get in your head at a place like this [Schmitt Home] is that you are not the boss. Breakfast is at 7:30, and if you are not there, why aren't you? A nurse may be called in. Are you ill? So today I had a big breakfast and came back and got in bed. Not long before a rustle. Me: "Hello!" - "It's Grace, Polly. I will make the bed. Don't worry. Well, there are so many of them that wet the bed and try to cover it up - I was just checking." - "Goodbye, Grace." She goes on to say, "Have a good day if you can."
September 7, 2011
Slang
(1991 January 4)
That other book I thot rather low. A man says he "is pissing" when I think he means he has been drinking. I understand several books have been written with the same sleuth, Charley -----?
That other book I thot rather low. A man says he "is pissing" when I think he means he has been drinking. I understand several books have been written with the same sleuth, Charley -----?
February 12, 2011
Missing joke
(1987 January 31)
Last week did you listen to Garrison Kieler tell a naughty joke? About ice fishermen? When he was 8 years old he was first asked to go out on the ice to one of those little huts. He then realized how much men had to got away from women. Too much religion. Too much wiping the feet - all those rules instigated by women. And apparently to tell a man joke.
Last week did you listen to Garrison Kieler tell a naughty joke? About ice fishermen? When he was 8 years old he was first asked to go out on the ice to one of those little huts. He then realized how much men had to got away from women. Too much religion. Too much wiping the feet - all those rules instigated by women. And apparently to tell a man joke.
December 21, 2010
Dirty story
(1978 August 8)
But, dear me - school isn't what it once was as far as proper and suitable subjects. One story he [the teacher of Fiction Writing class] read from a book for discussion was about two people in a carnival lying naked in bed together - the Tatooed Man and the Fat Lady. The FL bet the TM $20.00 she could piss in a whiskey bottle 3 feet away and he took her up on it. The rest explains her method step by step. At the end the TM gladly paid up and said it was worth it. Wow.
But, dear me - school isn't what it once was as far as proper and suitable subjects. One story he [the teacher of Fiction Writing class] read from a book for discussion was about two people in a carnival lying naked in bed together - the Tatooed Man and the Fat Lady. The FL bet the TM $20.00 she could piss in a whiskey bottle 3 feet away and he took her up on it. The rest explains her method step by step. At the end the TM gladly paid up and said it was worth it. Wow.
October 7, 2010
Welcome home
(1974 January 20)
[When I got back from Madison, visiting MM], Dee was spinning around in happiness to see me and days later doesn't want me out of his sight. Before unpacking, I mopped the kitchen. Chris had tended him well, but had kept him in a lot due to rain and - you know Dee.
[When I got back from Madison, visiting MM], Dee was spinning around in happiness to see me and days later doesn't want me out of his sight. Before unpacking, I mopped the kitchen. Chris had tended him well, but had kept him in a lot due to rain and - you know Dee.
August 26, 2010
Portant papers
(1965? March 13, Friday)
I hope this day was not unlucky for you, but just a last school day of the week day with family and kittens at the latter end. Miryam wrote about your not minding if yours bothered you when you were reading. Well, I can tell you one time Daddy nearly cleaned house on ours when we lived on the Hill. At that time his study was just off the kitchen and as we had kittens in the kitchen, we likewise had kittens in the study. As you know, he always had piles of papers on the floor and stamps to be soaked off and so on. One night I heard a virulent swearing coming from his room, and when I at last got him calm enough to speak a few English words, I learned the kits had been pooing on his papers. Oh, such a time. When you were three, you used to say "'portant papers." We used to say that a lot, even now.
I hope this day was not unlucky for you, but just a last school day of the week day with family and kittens at the latter end. Miryam wrote about your not minding if yours bothered you when you were reading. Well, I can tell you one time Daddy nearly cleaned house on ours when we lived on the Hill. At that time his study was just off the kitchen and as we had kittens in the kitchen, we likewise had kittens in the study. As you know, he always had piles of papers on the floor and stamps to be soaked off and so on. One night I heard a virulent swearing coming from his room, and when I at last got him calm enough to speak a few English words, I learned the kits had been pooing on his papers. Oh, such a time. When you were three, you used to say "'portant papers." We used to say that a lot, even now.
April 22, 2010
Potty humor
(1964 May 8)
Well, the other night I was in bed reading Tom Jones when LL put Dee to bed and having previously gathered up his clean clothes for morning and put them in the bathroom, went in himself to prepare for bed, turned on the light, and let out a roar. I had left the cover of the throne up and he had tossed all his clean clothes in the pot, underwear, shirt, sox and handkerchief. "What a disgusting thing!" (quote). I remained calm and continued reading and said to fish them out and put them in the tub and get fresh ones. The water was clean. This he did with all possible expletives and banged every door and drawer. Really it was terribly funny, only I didn't dare crack a smile. I am sure he would have if someone else had been involved. But it has been at least a year since I have seen the poor man so shaken This is too funny to keep, and I haven't told a soul, no one, here. So don't you repeat it either, as I woldn't want to disgrace him.
Well, the other night I was in bed reading Tom Jones when LL put Dee to bed and having previously gathered up his clean clothes for morning and put them in the bathroom, went in himself to prepare for bed, turned on the light, and let out a roar. I had left the cover of the throne up and he had tossed all his clean clothes in the pot, underwear, shirt, sox and handkerchief. "What a disgusting thing!" (quote). I remained calm and continued reading and said to fish them out and put them in the tub and get fresh ones. The water was clean. This he did with all possible expletives and banged every door and drawer. Really it was terribly funny, only I didn't dare crack a smile. I am sure he would have if someone else had been involved. But it has been at least a year since I have seen the poor man so shaken This is too funny to keep, and I haven't told a soul, no one, here. So don't you repeat it either, as I woldn't want to disgrace him.
March 23, 2010
Backyard report
(1963 June 20)
Dee is now to be relied enough to be free and go with me to the clothesline where I have just hung up a mess of rags used for cleaning during the week. With my new soft water these old rags are cleaner than my towels used to get! Meanwhile Dee finds the bone from last Sunday's roast and chews away on that as a Mother Squirrel and 2 babies venture from their nest. Hidden from sight are birds teasing me by singing or quoking away (I wish I could identify them!). - Oh, it is so pleasnt in our back yard! Of course there are certain dark objects here and there in the grass, not far from Dee's tie-out rope - but a new Puppy-Scoop ordered from Penny's should be here today and that problem if not solved, made more pleasant!
Dee is now to be relied enough to be free and go with me to the clothesline where I have just hung up a mess of rags used for cleaning during the week. With my new soft water these old rags are cleaner than my towels used to get! Meanwhile Dee finds the bone from last Sunday's roast and chews away on that as a Mother Squirrel and 2 babies venture from their nest. Hidden from sight are birds teasing me by singing or quoking away (I wish I could identify them!). - Oh, it is so pleasnt in our back yard! Of course there are certain dark objects here and there in the grass, not far from Dee's tie-out rope - but a new Puppy-Scoop ordered from Penny's should be here today and that problem if not solved, made more pleasant!
February 10, 2010
Sleeping party
(1960? October?)
MM was on a binge Friday - Alice Premo had a big sleeping party. Her father took about a dozen girls to Wisconsin Dells football game, then to Premos to eat and carouse all night. She tells a story about making fudge at 2 a.m. and putting ExLax in it. Put it out to cool and a girl tipped it over. Rip and snort. Home 1 p.m. Saturday. Boys involved. A long story. Poor grades. Latin D.
MM was on a binge Friday - Alice Premo had a big sleeping party. Her father took about a dozen girls to Wisconsin Dells football game, then to Premos to eat and carouse all night. She tells a story about making fudge at 2 a.m. and putting ExLax in it. Put it out to cool and a girl tipped it over. Rip and snort. Home 1 p.m. Saturday. Boys involved. A long story. Poor grades. Latin D.
January 21, 2010
Teacher placement
(1960 March 17 = St. Patrick's Day
I know you'd love Toronto [if hired] but don't feel bad if you get something else instead. You know you will soon work up. I had to teach during the Depression when professors were driving taxi cabs to put food in their children's mouth. I recall my folks were provoked that after all the years of my schooling I had to take a school where outdoor toilets were in use [in 1928 at Bear Creek WI, between Waupaca & Oconto]. But I had written and written to principals and school boards, and when this opening finally came, I took it and found those children just as in need of education as any other children, tho the pay and facilities were not so good for me. [Walter Goffart got the Toronto job.]
I know you'd love Toronto [if hired] but don't feel bad if you get something else instead. You know you will soon work up. I had to teach during the Depression when professors were driving taxi cabs to put food in their children's mouth. I recall my folks were provoked that after all the years of my schooling I had to take a school where outdoor toilets were in use [in 1928 at Bear Creek WI, between Waupaca & Oconto]. But I had written and written to principals and school boards, and when this opening finally came, I took it and found those children just as in need of education as any other children, tho the pay and facilities were not so good for me. [Walter Goffart got the Toronto job.]
January 16, 2010
Gift box
(1960 January 4)
[Christmas gifts from Bob Kays in Neenah WI included] Box from Kimberly Clark, paper products, toweling, Kleenex etc. L gave much speculation before opening, as "KC made paper products for all uses, you know,' and when open hooted, "There it is! There it is!"
[Christmas gifts from Bob Kays in Neenah WI included] Box from Kimberly Clark, paper products, toweling, Kleenex etc. L gave much speculation before opening, as "KC made paper products for all uses, you know,' and when open hooted, "There it is! There it is!"
October 16, 2009
Excelsior!
(1955 Easter)
Learn to work well and quickly and NOT MULL (the way I do). I simply could not, nor could my bottom, considered here as a separate entity, stand all that sitting and reading. You need to shake it, my love, and excercise more, mix more with the world and life in general.
Learn to work well and quickly and NOT MULL (the way I do). I simply could not, nor could my bottom, considered here as a separate entity, stand all that sitting and reading. You need to shake it, my love, and excercise more, mix more with the world and life in general.
March 19, 2009
An old joke
(1950 March 16)
Hysterical at lunch over an old joke. LL was telling how affectionate Lullaby [the cat] was this morning. She licked his cheek. "I suppose it was the toilet water," said he. MM looked at him. "Toilet water?" says she. "Not your kind, Snooks," said he, choking.
Hysterical at lunch over an old joke. LL was telling how affectionate Lullaby [the cat] was this morning. She licked his cheek. "I suppose it was the toilet water," said he. MM looked at him. "Toilet water?" says she. "Not your kind, Snooks," said he, choking.
February 8, 2009
It was the cat
(1994)
Last night I being rather restless and not sleeping well found myself browsing in the past [ca. 1952].
I was in the kitchen after supper doing last minute things while Lorin was in his adjacent study, from which came such swearing and cussing as were rarely heard in our house. He was working on his priceless stamp albums and had put the overflow momentarily on the floor when Copy Cat, our black kitten, paper trained, was streaking for his life out of there and down to the safety of the basement and sand boxes.
Last night I being rather restless and not sleeping well found myself browsing in the past [ca. 1952].
I was in the kitchen after supper doing last minute things while Lorin was in his adjacent study, from which came such swearing and cussing as were rarely heard in our house. He was working on his priceless stamp albums and had put the overflow momentarily on the floor when Copy Cat, our black kitten, paper trained, was streaking for his life out of there and down to the safety of the basement and sand boxes.
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